I have experienced bullying at work. It is not fun. So although it is off usual themes I am sharing this from a well respected barrister whose mailing list I subscribe to, just in case others suffer the same problem:
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This is very sad that you experienced bullying at work, and presumably didn’t experience it in school, self-employment or in later academia. Can you tell us more about why the workplace culture might be different, and what happened when you reported it?
I have said enough
“I have experienced bullying at work. It is not fun.”
And yet at the Fabian meeting you were quite happy to act the bully to that young student who’d presented. Ranting at him that you’d have failed him, saying you couldn’t believe he’d graduated, saying it was the worst standard you’d ever seen and on and on. The idea of the meeting was to encourage young people to participate not to humiliate them. Then despite being given the courtesy to speak uninterrupted, you then proceeded to interrupt others until the moderator had to mute you. Sounds to me that you were acting the bully here. What a hypocrite you are.
I was invited to a political meeting
No one attached conditions
No one told me I had to agree with anyone
I was invited
I have been to Young Fabian meetings before several times. I cam because overall they’ve been worthwhile and the quality of debate has been good, and robust
This was a very different meeting. The views were anything but something I expected to hear from Labour.
Both presentation were very weak, at beast, and politically unquestioning. The one on economics was just wrong. It was welcomed nonetheless by Jackie Baillie despite all the implications that would follow from hard right economic thinking by Labour in Scotland. Given her won comments maybe she believed in this, but candidly I was shocked by almost everything said in this meeting.
I said so. That was politics. That was not bullying. I talked politics. I said the views on display were as bad as I thought they were.
And then Kevin Hague started talking utter nonsense about me – and I quite reasonably objected. And yes, talking over is a valid political technique that I do occasionally use – from Radio 2 (where it is encouraged) onwards. So to claim that is bullying is quite absurd
This was not a workplace.
This was about exchange of political opinion.
To say someone is talking utter nonsense is fair game in politics, most especially when they are.
The embarrassment should be all yours for not realising how inappropriate the views presented were.
I reiterate, no wonder Labour is in such a bad place in Scotland if this i the thinking going on.
Up here north of the border, we can distinguish robust political debate from bullying.
I’m sad to say that on the basis of your performance, your future engagement with, and influence upon, the Fabian society and its members looks as if it has come to an end. For a man in your position, whose influence rests upon the wider dissemination of his sometimes radical views, I can’t help thinking there is only one loser from this.
Irrespective of whether you think you were right or wrong, could you, in the interests of your future impact, maybe be the bigger man and apologize for any offense people might believe you have given ?
I made the point, in a way that may have reflected my shock at what I had heard, that what I saw from the Fabians was shocking and profoundly disturbing.
I will not apologise for that.
If you were not as shocked as I was you’re not on the left, or radical, or Fabian as I understand it.
That’s the real issue.
This was a shocking display – to which I responded. Maybe I could have been calmer. Maybe I should have just left. But the direness of what was being said – at a meeting at which Labour’s deputy leader was present, and which she was explicitly endorsing – would have remained, and apparently you cannot see how serious that is for the claim for Labour and the Fabians in Scotland.
The problem is all yours.
“As early as August 2019, the month after her appointment, Patel was advised that she must not shout and swear at staff”. Odd that anybody would even need to mention this.
As an engineer with staff the important thing was to have their respect. This was not gained by shouting & swearing (strictly reserved for use over the phone for incompetent suppliers — of which there were some). When things did go wrong psychology was a far better tool. A technician did not supervise an apprentice when maintaining a large compressor — resulting in £30k damage. Technician admitted the fault – & with a dead straight face I said “hmm OK, come back on Monday for a proper bollocking”. X spent the weekend worrying and zero happened on Monday (I was never going to give him a bollocking — his mates in the factory did that work for me — making fun of him for making a basic mistake). I later remarked that I hoped that oversights like that would not happen again – & he said that indeed they would not.
The problem with Patel & co is that, fundamentally, they see people as useful idiots, to be used and abused as needed. This contrasts (or should do) with the normal business environment where people need to work in teams and get on with each other, regardless of status. Does not always work like that, but it should. The only thing you need to do (in a supervisory position) is ask yourself: if that was my son or daughter, how would I like them treated.
The Priti Patel incidents sound like somebody out of their depth and “over compensating”. That’s not an excuse though.
‘The problem is all yours’
Wow. I’m genuinely interested in how you believe your proven irascibility is my problem, and that somehow it is me that has lost a future channel of influence for my ideas ?
Seriously, what is the matter with you ?
I wasn’t irascible
I was outraged to discover how far right the Fabians in Scotland are
Remember, Jackie Baillie welcomed the two presentations, including the profoundly neoliberal one, said she was economically ill-informed, and needed help from wherever she could get it, and seemed to think this hard core market fundamentalist thinking would help her
Of course I was kicking back against that – anyone in the left would or should have been outraged
Do I need the Fabians to promote my ideas? Not on the basis of this evidence.
And why is the problem all yours? If Jackie Baillie thinks this was good – good luck with the people of Scotland. They will rightly laugh at you
Your ‘too wee, too stupid and too poor’ line will go down really well with them
That is why the problem is all yours
But apparently you can’t work that out and somehow think I am beholden to you. Bizarre.
“ask yourself: if that was my son or daughter, how would I like them treated.”
Good question. Richard, If it had been your son making that presentation at the Fabian society, a young man, still learning, trying his best, would you have wanted him ranted at and humiliated by someone who came across as a boorish oaf?
I gathered from comments made that the person was a qualified accountant working with a major firm of accountants
I think you’ve had your time offering abuse here.
Largely because it would seem that you don’t realise that calling me a boorish oaf rather undermines your point, but it would seem you have not noticed that.
Mr Mcgovern,
For the sake of clarity, I wish you would not put comments under mine – which related directly to Patel and the way in which she treated staff. I was not commenting on Richard & his “robust discussion” with people that should have known better. In a work environment answering the question I posed is important. In the arena of politics – different rules apply & if you come out with stupidity then you deserve what you get. Believe me, if it had been me there at the Fabian meeting, there would have been an infinitely more “robust” reply, or the idiot student who demonstrated that his “education” was a waste.
Great, thanks for posting this Richard.
Yeah, very much this year – and I nearly went through grievance because certainly the aim was, not necessarily to lose me my job, but certainly to get rid of me out of my role – which would have taken work away from me and made my job more uncertain for sure – and denied me significant opportunities.
The thing is, there is always a whole host of complex relationships going on as well, and when you are in it, and familiar with the person, it can be hard to recognise when things have got bad. In my case there is history – and it was ‘dealt ‘ with – haha, mediation, exactly what your man there says, you get a victim-blaming ‘sorry you feel that way’ – about a decade ago when things had been really bad. There had been a lot of redundancies made at the time so things were very stressful, but I just had to move seat at the time – the manager in question has never been my line manager, and never will be, because there is a degree of ‘protection’ afforded by the team.
So there has been about 10 years of uneasy truce between us – where I put up with the patronising derogatory comments best I can and he has kept them fairly mild for the most part. He’s patronising and derogatory to everyone he deems beneath him, so I am not unique there – the atmosphere he creates is fairly toxic and his (and our group) boss should know this, even if he’s the only one treated with respect, so why he still gets to throw his weight about,,, Ach, jobs for the boys stuff going on there (he’s not actually capable of doing his own level of work as far as I can see, so why keep him on?).
Why he suddenly, and unexpectedly, went on the offensive earlier this year, I don’t know. We had received a huge tranche of work near the start of the year – delayed because of the pandemic of course – and how he managed to muscle into being project manager when him and his group weren’t directly involved in the contract – but there seems to be lot of jostling around at the top, people muscling into position for the entire framework agreement, inventing job roles and all sorts of weird stuff (I still couldn’t tell you who is doing what in the higher echelons, communication and organisation has been that bad). I thought it might not be too awful, because he was only joint project manager, and ,,, well, we are all part of the same team, working toward the same goal, and we all know each other’s roles having worked together for years. Apparently not though.
The difficulties we had to contend with – working from home, a new client – with a whole host of new specifications to get to grips with, as well as them and us establishing new BIM systems hardly half-formed (still) – and a large number of projects being dumped on us as urgent (because of various delays) – our wee team, for which this biggest project, that we planned to impress the client with, was our ideal speciality. The whole framework is in our speciality – it’s ours – but we are a small technical team that’s not interested in workplace politics, and we don’t have a project manager of our own – we need the support of others. I’m at the bottom of the pile of our wee team, but I do have a significant role in this one speciality and we all work well together with similar values in quality and attention to detail (and why I’m still in the job) – my line manager is the design lead and he knows the value of my work, and knows how much he relies on me for it. But – he’s old school as well (nearing retirement) and won’t rock any boats.
I was quite shocked at the ability of someone able to bully remotely – would it have happened, or been worse, if we were still in an open plan office? The dynamics have changed somewhat, and it’s difficult to judge. While very busy with all this new work – and new software – this project manager decided to try and force me to deliver an unreasonable amount of work immediately, or ‘hand it over’ to one of his team that had a minor role – and sent my line manager emails saying I needed to be ‘relegated’ to a minor role myself. After a lot of talking and upset and stress with my line manager – using up an enormous amount of time we didn’t have, being the people actually doing the work – I was determined that if any more was said by this project manager or his lackey I would go direct to HR with it (nobody actually ever wants to go to HR though), because we were all too busy with work, including our group boss. I would not answer any individual calls from that project manager either – and I’ve only had to be involved in one work-related meeting with him since that disastrous time. Obviously ‘discussions’ have taken place, maybe, but I don’t know what.
The whole project, instead of a fantastic opportunity for all of us to shine, turned into a nightmare – thankfully over for now, but there will be more. Initial feedback from the client is that they are impressed with it, and are happy for our our company to bid for detailed design on the same project’s next phase – this gives so many mixed feelings: some amount of pride; a large amount of despair that there will be no ‘lessons learned’ exercise; a lot of bitterness at the self-congratulations of all those managers that not only did nothing towards it, but in this particular bully’s case actively worked against us producing good work. They take all the benefits, and give nothing back. What do I want, and probably my team? Support, and a dynamic, inclusive, creative, open working environment. Is it just the bully that prevents this? Probably not, it’s about culture, and those that enable those behaviours too; but he is directly responsible for an immediately toxic environment.
Being a woman in a male-dominated working environment has its own set of problems – and it is likely that this project manager, though not particularly overt, has very much mysoginistic values, certainly no women (who have come and gone fairly frequently) on his immediate team are treated any less patronisingly, and they are not given the same opportunities as the men. Could I prove that though – no, I don’t think so. (I distinguish between sexism, which is mostly an unconcious bias – still a problem but not meant in a harmful way – with mysogeny, which will cause harm.)
Do I deal with the bullying effectively – no, not really. I’m aware of it, though taken unawares by the aggressiveness shown earlier this year, because of the history with this person. Constantly feeling like your employment is in jeopardy because of one person – I have no ‘authority’ and am no threat to him, so why make my life difficult? – well, except maybe I am educated well above my job role, and tend to be,,, um, less than sycophantic when focused on work? When faced with ignorant bluster, I can be a bit, accidentally,,, brusque. Should I have to back down and accept his view on how low my skill set is, and allow him to tell everyone that, so allow the team to think that? It’s awkward – I have my own periods of low self-esteem to deal with too – when the whole old-school team I belong to deal with things by avoidance and tip-toeing around issues. There is a culture of dealing with things ‘in-house’ so everything looks grand from the outside. Not really dealt with. I constantly have to make the decision to stay on – and it’s really the difficulty of finding something else in the same speciality where I believe my value lies, and my satisfaction with actual work, that keeps me there. It’s a balance I suppose.
This isn’t (a very large) company-wide issue – I’ve worked with other teams, they all have their own dynamics and issues as well, but it’s always a shock to find I’m allowed to finish a sentence, or find someone has actually listened without having to consult (a man) someone else before accepting what I say.
I think you can tell I’m not particularly silent on the issue, in work, or with friends, and some of it always is to do with me being stubborn – why should *I* move on just because he’s being an arsehole? And when you change job – you do go into the unknown, would it be better or worse? Well, I will be moving on most likely when our team design lead retires, so will have to try and be more flexible with changing jobs if the atmosphere is horrible in future. (There are good and bad points about long term employment).
I’ve let myself put this whole epistle down – one good thing about using a pseudonym is that I can talk about it without breaching any employment contract, as long as I don’t mention the company name – because they say it’s good to talk about it, it may help others, and it puts my own reasoning in black and white. Even if I am in no doubt that I have been bullied, and will continue to be, by this one person who is aware, now – we always have seeds of doubt ‘is it me? Am I being unreasonable? Should I be a better person? Have I done wrong? Am I performing badly? Am I really as useless as he claims?’. It’s shit having to justify your existence constantly, while the most useless lumps of sycophancy get away Scot free and don’t really care in the first place – frustrating and unfair. The world isn’t really fair though, is it? We just have to make the best of it where we can, with who we are, and take what pleasure we can, when we can. And move on when it becomes intolerable.
The employment law advice in the video is useful – there is a lot of strain in any bullying situation to have to deal with it, and again keep on justify your existence – but if things do become intolerable the explanation of unfair dismissal seems a good way to duck out of having to stay in a very stressful environment while making a complaint which is awkward and affects all your colleagues too – with some that would brand you ‘troublemaker’, even if it would improve their lives too. I have a feeling you’d have to go through official HR channels first with a complaint though, before any large company – with their big department of lawyers – would concede compensation.
Good luck
Bullying comes in many forms
It is always hard because it is enduring
It’s not a disagreement
It’s not a falling out that can be remedied
It’s deliberate undermining of another
And I know how gruelling that can be
Very useful video, it should be used for every induction for new employees joining a company or organisation. Also shows the importance of joining a union and studying the HR guidance of the company. Keeping notes of bullying/harrasment also critical.
So Patel is a woman and an Asian one to boot but that does not stop me seeing her for what she is – a proper little madam with the ‘promoted dog syndrome’ – given an opportunity that really she cannot handle – promoted above her abilities.
I can forgive her ‘estuary English’ when she speaks publicly – but the smug and imperious way in which holds her office and wields her power is unacceptable.
I too am a middle manager, and I have watched the vid above and I am glad that I don’t behave like that. If a manager wants a melt down you go somewhere private and do it – you never do it in front of staff as it promotes fear and makes you unapproachable. It can also be used by people as a weapon – look what happened to Gordon Brown – he’s not a nasty bloke by any stretch of the imagination – but his reportedly rather too public titanic meltdowns undermined him.
Having said that, my problem is often with my superiors – increasingly I find that many are far too over-sensitive and insecure and do not like to be challenged. They just want ‘yes men & women’ around them. This goes for male and female alike.
I’ve noticed that too PSR, (well, I thought it was my imagination until you mentioned it) there are far fewer people now, in management positions, that will accept any kind of challenge – if you don’t agree with everything they say, they take offence. It’s impossible to work in such an environment, particularly when managers are invariably wrong.
In NGOs too…..
Useful video, and very good advice. However, it is somewhat over optimistic about the reaction of an employer in cases of bullying. As a TU rep, bullying cases are very common. Usually we get them after the bullying has gone on for a long time so behaviour is really embedded. Most bullying cases that I know of either ended up with the person being bullied, leaving or going to grievance ending up with a leaving settlement, or to court, again ending with a settlement and loss of job. No disciplinary action was ever taken on any manager that bullied even in cases with large settlements at my place of work (University). HR always sides with the employer, and the employer always sides with the manager. Very similar to the Patel case, power protects power. Peer to peer bullying might end differently, but I don’t remember a case like this happening. Bullying at work is most often committed by the manager against a person they manage.
Best advice from experience as a person who has been bullied as well as a TU rep, is speak to bully privately early on about how their behaviour is making you feel – do not use the word ‘bully’, simply describe the behaviour and how you feel. Avoid arguing, you don’t want to push people into a corner, and be sympathetic if manager talks about the pressure they are under (yuck, I know, but behaviour change is the goal). After meeting, email manager, thanking them for the meeting and confirm what you discussed. Record everything in writing (important if you have to go formal route – forces HR and employer to act within the law). Tell other people, and allow them to support and look after you. Social support is really important for withstanding the mental health effects of bullying.
For those who know someone at work is being bullied offer them support and a friendly face. Encourage others to do the same. Wait for the person to raise bullying in their own time. Your job is make them feel less isolated. If possible, casually raise problematic behaviours with the manager – ie “The other day I felt really uncomfortable when you raised your voice at Joe Bloggs. What’s going on, are you alright? ” Be careful. In one case I know of, staff raised the issue of bullying with the manager who was doing the bullying and the manager took it out on the person they were bullying.
Finally, if you are being bullied, watch out for your health, and go to the GP and get signed off sick if you are experiencing symptoms of stress. In my case, I was signed off for 2 weeks. It did help me get some perspective. Importantly, the sick note puts the bullying into the context of Health & Safety law – which is criminal law. If employers do not act to resolve the situation, and thus cause you to go off sick with stress again, whilst you may still have to leave the job, the employers will likely want to avoid going to court on ‘foreseeable stress’. They will likely offer a settlement, which will help support you whilst you find alternative employment.
Still, social support, early intervention, is best.
I think you are right on outcomes, I am afraid
It would be interesting to do a study on it – private vs public sector maybe. Liz Morrish did something similar for mental health of staff at Universities, using numbers of OH and counselling referrals as a measure of stress. Unsurprisingly, between 2012 – 2018 numbers went up, pretty much across the board.
Thank you for the video. I’ve been bullied and harassed at work- it was dreadful. Unfortunately HR didn’t even record my formal grievance.
I am sorry to have to say this but when I saw this post the thought of stones and glass houses sprang to mind.
Lets just reflect for a moment and recognise that in the debate about Priti Patel’s behaviour the point has been well made that what is “bullying” has to be understood from the point of view of the”victim”. She says it was not her “intention”…..so what?…..that is not the point. The point is what effect did her behaviour on others.
So lets take a look at what you said to me last week in the comments following your post about “Why is the left so hung up about MMT?”. This is what you said:
“You can get two free articles a week by registering
And if you insist on denial — when this answers the question you raised — please do not waste my time
I don’t manage a blog to provide those who are not willing to engage with the opportunity to gripe”
I replied saying this was out of order….and it was because you could have said this instead:
“Jim, you can get two free articles a week by registering. You will find that the article does answer the questions you are asking”
In the follow up you went on to imply that I am trolling you and trying to “buy you”.
Now this may not constitute “bullying” and the effect on me is not to be intimidated, but it is not appropriate behaviour. Like Priti Patel you need to take a step back and reflect on how you treat people Richard.
After the exchange of comments last week I sent you a conciliatory e-mail to which you have not responded.
I think I am due the courtesy of a reply.
You suggested that because you donated I had to do what you want.
You still are. You are demanding I reply to a very low priority email when I have an enormous workload. I regret to tell you that your urgency is not my priority.
With respect Jim, don’t suggest I am beholden to you for a donation. I’d suggest to you that the reason why I am nit replying to you is a) I was getting bored with your comments b) I was bored with having to provide answers to questions answered many times before and c) I resent the idea that I had been bought for a donation, when I am not.
I was not inappropriate. I was patient for a long time but I have a life.
And I am not going to engage on the basis you demand, because frankly you are doing the bullying here and I am not going to be bullied by you or anyone else.
From the little I’ve read it seems there are personality traits associated with those who bully and those who may be likely victims. Certainly in the school environment, of which I have some knowledge, bullying can occur – between pupils, between teachers and pupils and sometimes bullying of teachers by pupils and of course between teachers.
Bullying between pupils is often a difficult and intractable problem and sometimes the parent decides to move the young person to another school and sadly it sometimes happens that the bullying soon recommences.
As always with so many societal problems the answer is eduction, both to explain that bullying is unacceptable and how a victim might try to deal with it. But it’s not simple.
At the workplace level, there is much to commend in what Nell says. But we have to recognise that although “standing up to a bully” by explaining to the person that their behaviour is not acceptable can be a very very difficult and daunting prospect especially if the victim is traumatised by the bullying. It’s essential that there are well established, sympathetic protocols in place, that people will think their concerns will be treated seriously and dealt with in a non-judgemental and professional manner.
Johnson has just undermined the good work that has been done in tackling bullying in the workplace. One wonders how low he has yet to go before we are rid of his malevolent presence.
You are absolutely right, Graham, about how difficult it is for the victim of bullying to speak to the bully. It is easier to do this in the early stages, but the person has to recognize they are being bullied. As with any other form of abuse, it can creep up on you, and you end up totally demoralized by the time you recognize the behavior as bullying.
As regards support, I bet my last dollar that every HR person in the UK would swear on their mother’s grave that their company has supportive policies in place and there is zero tolerance of bullying. My workplace has. And even when my employer found out that bullying was taking place via a staff survey, they did nothing. In addition, bureaucracy is used in a manner, which I would describe as institutional bullying. Workload models that only apply to one staff group and is used to pile work on people, a performance mgt system that puts all emphasis on the individual with zero committment to resources from the employer, a denial of the conflict between competing activities, no natural justice in a complaints system, and a disciplinary system that is used to punish people (cases go on for months, even more than a year, moving goal posts, and threat of gross misconduct and loss of job on trivial matters). This type of bullying, is, I expect, endemic in large organizations.
Sorry, I got a bit carried away there. Bullying really gets to me.
Scott McPherson says:
November 22 2020 at 8:31 am
“I have experienced bullying at work. It is not fun.”
And yet at the Fabian meeting you were quite happy to act the bully to that young student who’d presented. Ranting at him that you’d have failed him, saying you couldn’t believe he’d graduated, saying it was the worst standard you’d ever seen and on and on. The idea of the meeting was to encourage young people to participate not to humiliate them. Then despite being given the courtesy to speak uninterrupted, you then proceeded to interrupt others until the moderator had to mute you. Sounds to me that you were acting the bully here. What a hypocrite you are.”
The bullying we are discussing here is about a situation where someone abuses a position of power in a relationship , particularly at work. A political meeting is an entirely different kettle of fish where behaviour must be judged by different criteria.
I think the Fabians are partaking in what feels liked some co-ordinated harassment on this, if I am candid.
I have blocked most of them, to be honest, now. In the end I always have had to do so.
I have been through this many times over 14 years. It’s a great diversion strategy.
Thanks for getting what is relevant Jeff. Outraged, even despairing, political comment, is completely fair in a political meeting, as of course is talking over.
And the comments on my blog style also fail to recognise something else. I have written a blog for 14 years and tried to provide a safe place for discussion, which has often meant getting rid of many who try in any way they can to disrupt. If that seems abrupt, so be it. My own preservation, and that of this blog, demands it. The failure rate of personal blogs proves it.
If that’s the price of continuation I will be robust, as I am in political environments.
And you are quite right to take a firm stance. And Jeff is right to point out the difference.
I’ve found it disappointing, depressing, that some people commenting here have used the subject of this blog for the sole intention of harassing you Richard, and ironic, of course – it shows what you said to be true – this type of behaviour trait never leaves the person. It’s a difficult thing to admit to, to have ever been bullied, and unlike one suggestion above that some people are perpetual victims I don’t believe you’d ever be considering such – I certainly wouldn’t describe myself as such (I never suffer in silence!). Some people are just complete arseholes whose need for power and control, and total disregard for others, make them abuse to try and achieve it. Often they will see the target as some kind of ‘threat’, rather than an easy victim, in the workplace environment anyway.
To confuse a debating environment with a workplace environment where someone abuses their power over you is ridiculous. Some people can’t deal with any differences of opinion, it seems, but to then to attempt to behave in the exact same way as they accused you of doing, shows they have zero self-awareness. Any kind of of controlling behaviour is creepy and is harassment or bullying.
Oh well.
Really good comment from Nell though (and unfortunately true).
I have only suffered one serious episode of bullying. I was not alone in being bullied. A colleague was as well. We both found it pretty tough.
In 35 years as an employer I never had a complaint requiring any form of hearing with regard to my conduct. That did not make me perfect. I am not, I know. But it must indicate something.
I do over-analyse things, but it’s what I need, what my brain needs, to ‘put things in order’.
All comments and reflections here have been useful, and I can apply parts to my own situation – I thought my own personal bully had mellowed over the years, and we have even had a few interesting philosophical discussions – chats – over these last few years, which was why I was so shocked at the sudden and aggressive turn-around. I now realise it’s his need to *control* that’s central – his prior seriously bad behaviour was not just micromanaging (when he wasn’t my manager, and hadn’t even given me work, so was in the total weirdo category) it was watching me and questioning me every single minute of the day. And I hate that. And I hate being reminded of that time years ago – the distress is still very much fresh in my memory if I recall it.
I realised that what he wanted was control of my group – we provide support to all the teams, not just his, but he wanted the management and control of it – and after the group was reduced to one – me – I was the sole target (his version of a power grab). I became aware of this fairly quickly. But I realise now, his behaviour changes depending on how much control he perceives he has, not that he had mellowed at all. At each juncture where our situation has changed – and there has been many over the years with being bought over and moving office etc and that determines if he has been worse or better – our current office was very open plan and he had good line of sight of me and could easily check what was on my computer screen at any time – and anyone could easily hear anything he said as well. The ‘mellowing’ I thought was there, was merely circumstance that suited his need to feel in control – and that the big boss could see hear everything he did too. Often I’m told ‘it’s the stress’ – usually with change there is stress – but it’s not that influencing him, it’s whether he sees the opportunity to get control – or feels out of control – that influences the degree of bullying.
(Psychologically, it’s fascinating, if you stand back and look at it objectively – but that doesn’t take away from the direct affect it has on me, as the target, and the distress I feel)
So, in fact, everyone now working from home has affected his behaviour – he now feels ‘out of control’ he can’t see what I’m doing every minute of the day – and he can’t see a way to get control because with recent group shufflings and new line management he is even further from my line management than before. Hence his plea to have me ‘relegated’ (his words to my line manager), so he could have control of the work by getting one of his own group to (inappropriately) do the work. There is no thought of what is best for the team, what delivers the best work, practical thought on how best to coordinate things, best skills to use when. That’s what irritates me most – I’ll happily work with people I personally hate, if they are good at their job and have the same work aims as me. He’s a shit manager, selfish, and, will bully to get his own way. If I was in charge, he’d have been straight out the door or relegated himself, to some minor role.
Anyway – good that I’ve figured out the reason for the sudden change in behaviour – and I know what to be alert for in future. I’m not an alert person – I don’t do office politics – I never want to be in charge of anything – so it’s a strain. But if I can anticipate a behaviour change, I can head it off, hopefully, by whatever means I can. I may even be able to diffuse this situation a bit, in fact.
Thanks for the space to do some, rather personal, rambling, Richard. You already know I appreciate you blog, but I’ll say it explicitly again that I really appreciate the effort you put into keeping it a healthy debating space – and a good learning environment – long may it continue! (Still dreading learning more about accountancy mind you)
Good luck
And 🙂 to the last
🙂 you are under-appreciated Richard! You put a lot of effort into this blog, and give a lot of information too – having paid for education (as a hobby!) I appreciate the value of any good information.
And, as luck would have it, I’ve already had the opportunity to have some small interaction with my bully, willingly engaging him – without fear or dread – thereby relieving a colleague of the burden (favour owed now 😉 ) and, so far, successfully executed. Once I know the motivations behind behaviour, my little brain can work out the ‘best way’ to approach things – extra effort and you have sell a bit of your soul, but necessary for an improved working environment I guess. It’ll take a fair amount of treading carefully, but I feel fairly confident things won’t get quite as bad again. Here’s hoping!
Hope shared
One line I heard over the weekend was that if someone felt they were being bullied they needed to report it to their seniors…….good luck with that one.